Can you believe November is already here?

What happened to 2011?

Thinking about the year, I automatically started visualizing the highlights of the year as well as the struggles. The big lesson I learned this year was to stop projecting how things will work out and just enjoy the moments leading up to the event.

This is easier said than done.

Let’s put our heads together and come up with a strategy to spend more time in the moment instead of worrying all the time.

Below are some ideas that work for me:

• Be more aware of what I’m thinking and stop the thought in midair by closing my eyes and saying out loud, “What is happening right now?”
• Tell myself, “I don’t have to worry about anything right now.”
• Put music on, and dance around the room.
• Call a friend, and have a good laugh.
• Go for a cup of coffee, and smile at the first person I meet.

Now it’s your turn! What techniques do you use to stay in the moment instead of projecting your fears on the outcome?
 
Below are the ideas I received from some of the Love Yourself – It Matters! Ezine readers. Thank you everyone for sharing your techniques for creating a peaceful and loving life for yourself.  

Katie Keating

A few thoughts in response to your Ezine.

• Have faith- work on your spirituality.
• Read Dale Carnegies book, How to stop worrying, and start living,
• Volunteer and do a good deed for another in need.

Have a superb day!

~ Katie Keating

Doretha “Dee” Burrell

Things that keep me focused:

• I allow myself to shed a tear from time to time when things seem tough, but no more than 5 minutes.
• When stressed, I go out for a walk, meditate or practice yoga.
• I sit at my computer and email people that I think I would never get responses from- great example- A few days ago I  was having one of those days that my spirit and soul needed a little  uplifting, so I decided to email John Paul Mitchell (owner of Paul Mitchell Hair) to inform him that I had the opportunity to speak at one of his schools in NJ. Well, would you believe I received a response yesterday from him!)
• Believe in myself and what I am doing is going to work.. never quit, never give-up. I read a lot about very successful people and how some of them actually were homeless at one point in their lives and now they are millionaires. I’m not homeless yet, but if things don’t pick up… I might be there: Remember you must be able to laugh at yourself sometimes!

~ Dee

Doretha “Dee” Burrell
http://www.deeburrellinstituteforwomen.com/
http://about.me/deeburrell 

Alvah Parker

I wrote a list once about changing your mood.  Certainly if you are feeling fear it is important to move away from the fear and toward something else.  Perhaps one of the suggestions on the list would work.   You’ll find my list here http://www.asparker.com/ppts1003.html   I wrote it in 2003, but it still makes sense to me.  Feel free to use it if it feels right to you.

My Best,

~ Alvah Parker
Parker Associates
781-598-0388 (voice)
781-593-1734 (fax)
617-240-5353 (cell)
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“Everyone has his own specific vocation in life..Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated..Thus everyone’s task is as unique as his specific opportunity to implement it. We detect rather than invent our mission in life.”  Victor Frankl “Man’s Search for Meaning”

Read Road to Success, an ezine and Parker’s Points, a tip list with articles and tips on career or practice building topics. To subscribe go to Alvah’s website and choose the edition for career changers and/or attorneys.

Change Brings Happiness into Our Lives!

Change Your Thinking

“Things don’t change.
You change your way of looking, that’s all.”
~ Carlos Castaneda

When I read Carlos Castaneda’ quote it really struck me.  How we are always looking for our life to change and never take the time to change our thoughts. 

Castaneda suggests change the way you look at things.  EASIER SAID THAN DONE!

Let me tell you a little story… I am working with a client, who we call Fran.  Her business was steadily growing through the years.  One day she woke-up thinking her business was failing.  If things didn’t turn around quickly she was going to be bankrupt in a few months. 

When she called me, Fran was devastated and could not understand what happened.  Last month she did not feel this way, and was implementing new programs.  All of a sudden she was thinking about letting her team members go and maybe looking for a JOB. 

We discussed what was happening and looked at her business growth objectively.  After checking with her Accountant, Fran was surprised to learn that the profits this month were higher than last month.  What changed was her thinking.

Isn’t it amazing how we allow ourselves to cause suffering in our own lives.

Next time things are running smoothly and you want to shake up your life, implement the following steps.  This exercise also helps people who are facing real hardships in their lives.

• STOP take a deep breath and ask yourself the question, “Is what I am thinking right now, really true and nothing will ever change?”  By stepping back and examining the situation we start seeing our challenges from a different perspective and solutions start appearing. 
• Make an agreement with yourself not to think about your challenge for today.  Every time the thought pops into your head tell yourself, I will think about it tomorrow.  Miracles happen all the time so don’t waste your time worrying about something that can change in minutes.  There is an old saying, “Most circumstances we imagine never materialize.”
• Think of a time in your life when you were experiencing difficulties and within a short period of time everything turned around and your life was better than it was before.  This happens all the time and by visualizing what happened will give you strength and hope to continue. 
• Remind yourself constantly, that you are doing the best you can and the Universe is here to guide you.  
• Think happy thoughts at least once every thirty minutes.  By thinking these thoughts you will start changing your philosophy and a smile will appear on your face. 

As Castaneda says, “Things don’t change. You change your way of looking, that’s all.”

Please share with the Love Yourself – It Matters! Community your thoughts about this blog post.  Together we will grow and experience joy in our lives. 

Helen

Joy is what happens

Hurricane Irene, Hightstown, NJ 2011

“Joy is what happens
to us when we allow ourselves
to recognize how good
things really are.”
~ Marianne Williamson

This past weekend, “Hurricane Irene” paid us a special visit. Moving up the east coast she showed her true colors and caused mass destruction. 

Everyone was posting on Facebook what was happening and how lucky they were.  It brought a smile to my face, realizing what a beautiful community I am part of.  We live life and at the same time acknowledge the special gifts we are receiving.

I lost three trees and was grateful they did not damage my house or shed. My neighbors had a few feet of water in their basements. A few years ago, we had a battery backup installed on the sump pump.  When we lost power for four hours it kicked on and continued taking the water out of the basement.  How lucky is that?

Living through “Irene” made me think of how we take things for granted.  Today let’s focus on how lucky we are and share our special gifts with everyone.  Sometimes it takes hardships to wake us up and change our perspectives.

Right now is our opportunity to start living from a new perspective.  What can you do differently?  Who is up to taking this challenge?

I am going to start… From this moment on I will keep a happiness journal and write three things a night that made me happy during the day.  Then post them on the Love Yourself – It Matters Blog and Facebook page. 

Now it is your turn!

What can you do differently to bring more joy into your life?  Some examples:

• Acknowledge the first person you see. Think of something that will put a smile on their face.  Example:  I was at a coffee shop and the first person I saw was a little girl.  I smiled and told her that I loved her dress.  She did a little dance and told her mother, “This lady likes my dress.”  We were all smiling.  
• Call someone who is experiencing a hardship and brighten their day by acknowledging their greatness.  Example:  During the conversation share with them how much you cherish their friendship. 
• Make yourself a cup of coffee or tea and a grab a good book.  
• Steal my idea and start a happiness journal. Remember to post your experiences on the Love Yourself – It Matters! blog or facebook page
• Work on your hobby.  It definitely will bring you peace and satisfaction.

Please post in the comment section of the Love Yourself – It Matters Blog what you did differently today.  Making one small change can bring a smile to your face and more joy to your life.

Remember as Marianne Williams quote states, “Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.”

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Take Care,

Helen

Acceptance of Who We Are

Life is like a rollercoaster.

“There are two kinds of people:
Those who don’t do what they want to do,
so they write down in a diary about what they haven’t done,
and those who haven’t time to write about it because they’re out doing it.”

~ Richard Flournoy and Lewis R. Foster

Reading this quote brought a smile to my face.  Some days I am the first person they described and other days the second one.  We are all human beings and our actions are dictated largely by our attitude.

Some days I wake up in the morning feeling motivated and other times I want to pull the covers over my head.  Either way I have to get out of bed and take action. Feeling motivated means going with the flow and implementing action steps that will move my business forward.  When feeling overwhelmed, it takes courage to start thinking and moving in another direction.

What is a person to do?  Acknowledge what is going on and support yourself accordingly.

When feeling discouraged it is time for pampering.  We all need a vacation from our daily routines. The important thing to remember is that it’s important to regroup and learn what is happening in our lives.  Instead of fighting our thoughts, feelings and blaming ourselves just go with the flow.  Acceptance improves our attitude and we learn from our experiences.  Have faith. You will start feeling motivated again. 

Below are ways to pamper yourself:

• Cook yourself a healthy and delicious breakfast.  My favorite pancake recipe:
  • ¼ Cup of Cottage Cheese
  • 1 egg
  • 1 package of oatmeal
  • 6 oz. container of yogurt
  • 1 cup of blueberries

Combine the cottage cheese, egg and oatmeal together and cook on a medium flame.  When pancake is cooked top it with the yogurt and blueberries.  ENJOY!

• Exercise!  It makes you feel alive and good again.
• Pick out clothes that make you feel good.  
• Work for a few hours.  Continue acknowledging yourself.  Example: After writing an article, acknowledge yourself for how easy it is to write and express your ideas.  
• Sit back in a chair and just relax.  Do absolutely nothing!!
• If inclined, take a bubble bath.
• Journal about your magnificence. I know this may be hard.  Just get started and the ideas will flow.  Example of getting started:  Helen, I want to thank you for taking the time to acknowledge how I am feeling.  This has made a big impact I am starting to regain my self-confidence and my day is beginning to change…  
• Give yourself permission to just be you and do whatever you want. 

Enjoy the time!

Life is like a rollercoaster. By keeping a positive attitude, accepting our thoughts and feelings, and pampering ourselves makes the ride worthwhile. 
 
Good Luck!
 
Helen

Do you find yourself walking through walls?

“There comes a time in a man’s life
when to get where he has to go
-if there are no doors or windows-
he walks through a wall.”
~ Bernard Malamud

Do you find yourself many times walking through walls?  Look at it this way, we are still moving forward.

This has been my pattern lately.  Nothing seems to be flowing easily.  I seem to be always pushing.  It takes a lot of energy and I am constantly tired.

What is a person to do?  There has to be a better way.

Let’s dissect this dilemma.  What is really going on?  The word that pops into my mind is “CONTROL” and not trusting the process.  Does this sound familiar?

It might sound crazy, but I find that “Control” gives me a sense of comfort. When I just let things happen in a way it is scary because it may not turn out the way I want.  When I am in this space I start to make lists, plan my every move and just control everything around me.  This kind of behavior is very taxing and tiring.

When you find yourself controlling everything relax and implement the following exercise:

• Sit in a chair where it is quiet, where no one is around to bother you.  It is amazing how peace and quiet gives you a sense of security.
• Take 5 deep breaths and just let yourself unwind.
• Ask yourself the following questions:
  • What am I afraid of?  Example: New clients will take advantage of my programs.
  • What is the worst thing that could happen?  Example: I will have to close my business.
  • What benefit could you receive from this happening?  Find something that lights my fire and makes me exciting again.  
  • What is really going on?  Example: My Company is thriving.
  • What can you tell yourself when your insecurities become apparent? “Just for today everything is running smoothly and trust the process.”  
• Take 5 deep breaths and just relax for a few minutes.
• When you are ready at the count of 5 opens your eyes.

What I learned from this exercise: When I find myself trying to control everything it is time to uncover what is going on. 

Now it is your turn!

Take the time to relax and complete the exercise above.  What did you learn?  Please share your thoughts with the Love Yourself – It Matters! Community.  Looking forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Having Faith Creates Miracles

“Faith is believing
before receiving.”

~ Alfred A Montapert

As a holiday present to my daughter and son-in-law I am watching Jeffrey, my grandson, and Charlie a 100 pound Lab for a week.

Yesterday morning started out very calmly and got ready to leave for school. One of the things we do before leaving for school is walk Charlie. Let me correct myself, Charlie walks us.

The walk was a bit of a struggle and we arrived home a little tired. Jeffrey removed Charlie’s leash and before we knew it the dog ran away. Both of us started running after Charlie and had no luck capturing him.

At one point we were very close to him and before we could grab him he took off again. At that point I lost sight of Jeffrey and Charlie.

Franticly I started running around the blocks yelling for Jeffrey and Charlie. While yelling I was asking God to help me.

I turned a corner and there was Jeffrey walking with a woman who had Charlie on a tight leash. My heart stopped for a moment and relief flooded my body.

When I regained my composure, I could not thank her enough for bringing Jeffrey and Charlie home. We brought Charlie into the house and put him into his cage where he slept for most of the day.

Jeffrey and I were a total mess. We sat and thanked God for sending us an Angel.

The important lessons we learned were to always close the garage door before taking Charlie’s leash off and how to walk Charlie so we are in control not him.

During this experience I looked fear in the face and kept moving forward. If for a second I let the fear take over I would not have been able to keep my hope alive.

Praying is a form of meditation that clams you down and restores your faith that things will work out.

What experiences have you had in which prayers restored your faith that things will work out for the best.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Relieving Holiday Stress

“…be the change
you wish
to see in
the world..”

~ gandhi

I was thinking before writing on my blog today, “Holidays can be a very painful time.” Having expectations the holidays will be fun, relaxing and receive the love and support we crave from others.

Hello, guess again. What reality usually dictates is that we are busy shopping, running around to beat the clock and annoyed with people in general.

What happened to our holiday expectations? Down the drain!

We don’t realize that not having our expectations become reality we subconsciously become angry and instead of enjoying the holidays they become a burden.

As Gandhi says,” Be the change you wish to see in the world.” Take a step back and rearrange your thinking and schedule.

Let me tell you a little story.

I was out shopping for gifts the other night and everything I picked up was just not right for the person I was thinking about. After walking around the mall for over an hour I decided to stop for a cup of coffee and go home.

Listening to the people on line behind me complaining about the holidays made me realize I was doing the same thing.

I started to think of what could I do differently?

I found a bench and just rested for awhile drinking my coffee. The idea popped into my head to ask my grandchildren for a wish list. Then I could have some direction and buy what they really wanted.

I went home, called each grandchild and asked them to give me a wish list of only 3 things. The older ones wanted to spend a day in NYC with me or just go out for dinner. The others gave me their choices. It made my life so much easier and I had a happy memory speaking with each and everyone of them about the holiday season.

What can you do to make this season a little easier, create memories and enjoy yourself?

Please share your ideas with the Love Yourself – It Matters! Community. I look forward to reading your comments.

Helen

Thinking Like a Winner

Thinking as a One-Hundred-Percent-of-the-Time Winner

Thinking like a winner means not always having to defeat someone else.

It means being able to grow from a situation in which you fail to reach your goal.

It involves not demanding perfection from yourself in every single thing you do, but, instead, thinking of yourself as perfect and thus capable of growing.

It means reminding yourself that perfection doesn’t mean staying the same; it means being able to allow yourself to grow.

Thinking as a winner means not coming down on yourself; it means refusing to allow self-negative thoughts into your head.

It involves pushing out the wanting to evaluate yourself in comparison with others, and giving yourself permission to be the unique person you are.”
Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

Give yourself a special fourth-of-July present today and celebrate your beauty, qualities and gifts you share with the world. Today is your special day and enjoy it!!

I would love to hear about your special day and how you celebrated your beauty. I can be contacted by leaving a comment below this article or send me an email at helen@loveyourselfcoaching.net.

Holidays Don’t Have to Be Full of Stress

Holidays Don’t Have to Be Full of Stress
Empowerment Coach Offers Tips to Enjoy the Season

Balancing work and family is difficult enough on a normal day, but the stress of juggling holiday responsibilities can push anyone to the breaking point. But according to Helen J. Burton, an empowerment and recovery coach, much of the stress is focusing on ‘should haves’ instead of embracing the moments for what they are.

“Most people are striving for the Currier and Ives Christmas of their childhood, but in reality they’re dreading the holidays because they know it won’t meet their idealistic view,” she explains.

How can you beat back the dread and have the family holiday of your dreams? “Start by lowering your expectations,” advises Burton. “Be more realistic about what you can do. This usually involves changing the tradition — it can be equally as good, but it has to be unique to your family.”

Burton is a certified coach who helps both addicts and their loved ones work through the pain and develop a plan for a purposeful future. She founded Love Yourself Coaching (www.loveyourselfcoaching.net) in 2001, to meet the ongoing need creating healing and better lives by empowering others.

She offers the following tips to help de-stress and enjoy more of the holiday season:

• Take a mini-holiday everyday. “It’s important to focus 10 minutes every day on you by taking time out for yourself,” says Burton. She suggests reading, listening to music, meditating, or just doing nothing.
• Get out and enjoy the season. “Forget participating in the hustle and bustle, watch it go by instead by meeting a friend out for coffee,” she says. “It also gives you a chance to connect with someone in a relaxed atmosphere.”
• When you need help, ask. Burton suggests having a list of friends and family who can be “just a phone call away when you are feeling stressed or upset.”
• Send yourself a holiday greeting. “Write yourself a letter which you mail to yourself by the middle of December,” says the coach. The letter should include a thank you to yourself for who you are, acknowledging how much you’ve grown. “Also put in a list of three problems you solved this year and what impact that has made on your life,” Burton says.

Burton also suggests sending a similar letter to loved ones, telling them how special they are as well. “It’s a great way to connect, and reveal the true meaning of the season.”

For more information about Love Yourself Coaching, contact Burton at Helen@LoveYourselfCoaching.net.